Being more and more alive

The last couple days I've have some very potent experiences, and they start to be so natural that I don't even realize that they are happening.  One thing that comes to mind after reading this amazing blogpost about a woman on the Oregon coast whose consciousness opened so much that she was able to communicate with a cat, is that a few days ago I was sitting in my hot tub and said to no one in particular that I wondered where that hummingbird had got to who was sitting in the top of the tree so often at the end of winter.  

Well, the next day I saw a hummingbird in my bay laurel and when it turned its head to face me from about 5 feet away I saw its incredible iridescent wine red face. We looked at each other, it turned its head away, the color disappeared, and it took off.  

Then that night I was back in the hot tub at dusk, and the hummingbird came back into the paulownia tree and buzzed about in the flowers some, but mostly just sat on a branch not too far away so I could clearly see it.  I told that little bird how beautiful it is and I enjoyed its company immensely.  I'm not saying I could hear the bird talking to me, I'm just saying I asked the bird to come, it came, and I'm open to the possibility of more communication.  At very least it felt like there was some sympatico happening there.  I felt like we were both relaxing at the end of a busy day.  

the beautiful paulownia tree in bloom

The other night I saw the movie called "I Am."  This is a wonderful story of a movie director's exploration of meaning after experiencing a devastating accident.  He was looking for what's wrong with the world and what can we do about it.  He interviewed several scientists on the cutting edge of inquiry who were talking about how our separateness and sense of competition is not only a source of trouble for us, but is an illusion because in fact we are all way more connected that we might have been led to believe.  And that the behavior of non-indigenous people who keep stuff for themselves rather than share it freely with the tribe is a kind of mental illness.
 

What this movie made me wonder was this: what if I just did not buy in to the story of scarcity?  What if I really allowed into the fiber of my conscious knowing the awareness of abundance, of all needs being met?  How could I then relax and not feel like I have to hoard anything for myself because the flow of everything necessary would continue to come to me and everyone as it always has?

At the end of the movie one woman in the theater said, "Maybe we should have a group hug." And I said, "Oh yeah!"  We didn't, but the feeling was there.  Yesterday I went to a dance in Corvallis where I only knew one person, but by the end I was dancing sweetly with just about every one, because when there was an opportunity, I told the members of the group that I had come there to dance with each one of them.  After that, they were more welcoming and I got very, very happy doing just that. Sweet!

Then on the way home, I turned on the car radio, and there happened to be this show I never heard before, On Being. It was an interview with a woman who is a Unitarian chaplain for law enforcement agencies in Maine.  She pointed out that everybody dies, and she's seen a lot of accidents and tragedies and crimes, but what she looks for and takes from her experience is the love that people offer to support one another.  And also the resilience of people who suffer devastating losses.  I felt blessed to hear this show.  At first I was thinking, "What? Are they turning NPR into the God channel?"  But then I listened, and this woman was thoughtful and wise, and I felt like I was getting supported and confirmed by hearing her coming through my radio. 

beautiful red seeds little angel wings!

So, I feel grateful.  This is not some religious scold, like it has been used before - be grateful you got some because you don't deserve it anyway.  No!  I wish to offer you a spark of my gratitude for this amazing life.  It is probably the most powerful state of being that you can get into.  I read so many wonderful things people are writing nowadays, and I feel uplifted and supported by them.  I want to be part of that. 

Oh, and I didn't even tell you all about when I invited my friend to go to this farm stand down near the river and afterwards took the road further down just to see what was down there and in the grass near the road was this giant bird and we saw it lift off with its red tail, and my friend said, "That's my totem animal!" And I said, okay, that's what we came down here for, so I turned around and went home.  Because really there was not another good reason I had driven down there.  I felt very alive just then.
 

Gratitude makes a space inside you for things to happen.

And my gratitude makes me feel ready for the bumpy times when pains and fears and nags push back and make me wonder if I will ever be clear and free and really part of the evolution I so want to bring about.  But that's another story.  For this one, I'll just say goodnight now.