A couple of smart women I know wrote new blog posts and inspired me to do the same. We are all writing about our evolution in one way or another. We are writing about how we aspire to align ourselves with light: maintaining hope, finding things to appreciate, enjoying the sound of the words we write to tell the story of how we are, from moment to moment, emerging victorious.
I wouldn't usually talk about our spiritual journeys in terms of victor and vanquished - that seems so last century, so patriarchal. And yet, today it feels like that to me, here in the depths of winter, not having seen the sun for more than a few minutes in what seems like weeks. But it's not just that. It feels like a victory when, in any given moment, I can shift from looking at reality as a problem and let go and embrace the experience, whatever it is.
Right now the experience is writing this blog. It's a victory to write the next word and the next, even though there's a voice in my head telling me that this blog post is too vague and generalized and people need examples and why can't I think of an example and maybe I should make cookies or watch a show. But here I am.
I remember meditating this morning and feeling alive and walking outside today and how the ends of the plants looked so lacy with the fog ice on them.
I remember seeing the tiny and beautiful green hummingbird resting on the feeder. Right now I am sitting in my warm house with nothing I have to do and no one to be responsible for.
That last thought makes me smile and also realize a fertile area for working it out, a place where there's more work to let go. Because I'm really not responsible for anybody even if they are in my near vicinity, but I find myself very often feeling as though I must fix something, me or you. There's a pressured sense that something is often wrong.
I just stopped to tap out my feelings about this wrongness. It's so basic and pervasive, I didn't get a sense of where it's from. I yawned as I was doing the tapping, which is a sign of release. At first I couldn't imagine just feeling like things are right, or the absence of the wrongness. So I keep tapping on it, saying to myself that I'm open to feeling right, feeling peace, feeling trust. After awhile, I imagine being a child, when things are just happening, and I'm not trying to fix anything, just playing, exploring and learning. I keep tapping on that, being myself in a safe life, without pressure, where whatever is, is okay. It's a joyous feeling and very relaxed.
And really, that's the truth. Here I am, safe, unpressured, able to relax, do whatever I want, and have my needs all met. How ironic that it can be such a challenge to believe it. But there's the victory, taking the time to explore the experience, let it in, let it go, find that space.
And then go make cookies. For the joy of it.
I wouldn't usually talk about our spiritual journeys in terms of victor and vanquished - that seems so last century, so patriarchal. And yet, today it feels like that to me, here in the depths of winter, not having seen the sun for more than a few minutes in what seems like weeks. But it's not just that. It feels like a victory when, in any given moment, I can shift from looking at reality as a problem and let go and embrace the experience, whatever it is.
Right now the experience is writing this blog. It's a victory to write the next word and the next, even though there's a voice in my head telling me that this blog post is too vague and generalized and people need examples and why can't I think of an example and maybe I should make cookies or watch a show. But here I am.
I remember meditating this morning and feeling alive and walking outside today and how the ends of the plants looked so lacy with the fog ice on them.
I remember seeing the tiny and beautiful green hummingbird resting on the feeder. Right now I am sitting in my warm house with nothing I have to do and no one to be responsible for.
That last thought makes me smile and also realize a fertile area for working it out, a place where there's more work to let go. Because I'm really not responsible for anybody even if they are in my near vicinity, but I find myself very often feeling as though I must fix something, me or you. There's a pressured sense that something is often wrong.
I just stopped to tap out my feelings about this wrongness. It's so basic and pervasive, I didn't get a sense of where it's from. I yawned as I was doing the tapping, which is a sign of release. At first I couldn't imagine just feeling like things are right, or the absence of the wrongness. So I keep tapping on it, saying to myself that I'm open to feeling right, feeling peace, feeling trust. After awhile, I imagine being a child, when things are just happening, and I'm not trying to fix anything, just playing, exploring and learning. I keep tapping on that, being myself in a safe life, without pressure, where whatever is, is okay. It's a joyous feeling and very relaxed.
And really, that's the truth. Here I am, safe, unpressured, able to relax, do whatever I want, and have my needs all met. How ironic that it can be such a challenge to believe it. But there's the victory, taking the time to explore the experience, let it in, let it go, find that space.
And then go make cookies. For the joy of it.
